Friday, October 18, 2013

Letter to an old friend 2

I am looking for a job now. I am taking a huge pay cut from when I was working before because we just need the extra income and anything is better than nothing. I so sadly am actually probably just going to a call center.  I would love to be an administrative assistant or office clerk, manager, etc but those jobs are not calling me back. My resume screams call center. But I can tweek it to look more officey. Never works.  I applied at the school district for a few jobs and nothing. That would be ideal.  What evs, I guess.  I have to more interviews today.

Maybe you already checked it out or maybe you don't care, but my blog address is .  I don't write as much as I should.

I am really doing better at liking Texas. Specifically where we are.  Our house is nice. Only 3 bedrooms but like 2400 square feet. It has some space we are trying to figure out what to do with.  2 stories.

Little Cody is selling popcorn for his school fundraiser. It is so cute. He finally has his spiel down. He says, "I am selling popcorn for my school fundraiser. ....(Then he looks at me for the next line) It is only $2 a bag..... (more looking at me)  ... Can I set you up with 3 bags?"  Then half the time when people laugh or smile he runs away.  If he stays he tells them there are lots of flavors to choose from. This kid seriously cracks me up.

I am freaked out about going back to work. I love being home with Caden. He is 16 months old. He is not walking yet, but that is ok. He is so funny and stubborn. He is going to be a tough one. both me and Big cody are pretty stubborn and fat. So he has got that in his genes. Poor lil dude. Right now he is still considered on the small side.  Can I tell you every thing about his an lil Cody is different. They are so much the same now. I am hoping this means when Caden is a 5 year old he will be opposite of Cody and be calm.

So the last day I ever drank and kind or alcohol or smoked any kind of anything was the night before I found out I was preggers with lil Cody. I started going back to church and blah blah.  I think I might have mentioned I think it is true and I need it. I know some people (my sis, Melissa for one) think not everyone needs church and organized religion, but I know I need it. My mom and dad are the kinds that need it. And seriously Jeaniece needed it too. .....

I was going to start the next line of that above paragraph with the words If only, but I stopped myself. There is no ifs. No use in them in this situation. You can't live with a life of what if's and regrets. You have to move on. But I was thinking about all this and telling you a little back ground so I could share 2 things.

1. Jeaniece use to call me every day on her way to work. Every day. We talked. So a lot of this time lately was her telling me about her night before or her weekend adventures from the night before. Often I got an edited down version where her anguish over what she was doing would show through. So when I'd give advise or some thing we joked around a lot. Once she asked me how the weather was up there where I was on my high horse.  Only once in a while though, sucker. Because from then on pretty much I would just ask her to join me. Before I would start to tell her something I would remember how she was always was thinking I was judging her (which I was not) or she thought I thought I was better than her (which I did not think.)  So.. I would tell her thing like, hey, want to come join me up here on my high horse. It is pretty nice up here. We would laugh. We really laughed a lot. But if I ended up coming off judgy or something she would call my mom and tell on me. Ha!

2. Remember the barnacle (particle) board wall ghetto bar where we would play pool?  Once time Jeaniece  came to visit and we went there. With Jared H and some others.  When ever we drank together she would get all mad at me. Or when she drank around me. Any how. She was getting all mad and I asked her what the problem was and she said, "For the first time on our lives you are cooler than me!"  Brawhahaha. She was so funny. So, there you have it., you are in one of my favorite Jeaniece memories.

And this was a ton of all about me. So.. your up..... :)

Sunday, October 6, 2013

A little of my life. . . letter to an old friend

I know facebook and even my blog help make it look like life is good and sunshine and roses, but it isn’t. I mean of course not it is life.

Lil Cody’s sass. He talks back sometimes but sometimes he says things that are pretty funny that can become annoying. When he doesn’t want to go some where he insists that the place is closed.  The school cafeteria in the morning. The movie theater, what ever. He is a total city kid. When we were looking for houses last month we looked at one in the country on an over grown 2 acre property. We looked at the old run down ranch house then we were looking in the yard. There were some stairs and a platform in a tree (like the start of a tree house) and Stephanie was starting to climb it. I looked for Cody thinking he might like to climb, too. I looked all around. Back in the house, etc. I found him sitting in his seat in the van seat belt on and all. 3 minutes there and he was ready to go! Ha. But, hey how many black dudes do you see out in nature. Just kidding but really. He hates bugs and playing in the dirt. My husband (Big Cody) gets so mad that I am making him girlie. He likes to dance to the dancing shows we watch. And he likes to help me cook and do other stuff around the house. He does like to spend time in the garage with his dad but he is with me more, you know?  Jeremy has never been to Texas to see him.  He got to see him when we were on vacation this July. He met me, my kids and Jeaniece and her boys in LA and we walked around. He bought the kids a shirt. Lil Cody knows who he is. I just asked him who Jeremy is and he said, “He’s my real dad.” I corrected him. He is his bio dad. Jeremy still pays child support most months. He missed about 6 months. His wife still does not want to acknowledge that Cody is alive so I think he lies to her about paying support and all that. They have 4 kids. The 2 she had before and then they had 2. (Both girls.)  He only calls about every 2 or 3 months. I text him a picture or something once a month so he remembers to pay child support. Ha.  We have tried to get him to just let Cody adopt lil Cody but he wont do it. So he can just keep paying. Cody has been his dad since before he was 2.

Big Cody and I met online. Seriously. A mormon dating site. As Rikkard put it the one time I met up with him after lil Cody was born, “I went from crazy to baby.” I really did. Although now I am crazy in a whole different way. A more traditional just crazy way. I am not the same. I can’t imagine what my life would look like if I didn’t get pregnant with lil Cody when I did. He really changed my life. I think he saved me from myself. 

So, big Cody had 2 girls when we got married. They were living with their mom. I moved here since his kids were with their mom and lil Cody would go with me. I transferred at the time with bank of America. Cody applied for like 7 jobs in AZ and I applied for 1 here. I got it. It was a sign. I was big on, “it’s a sign!” at the time. Probably still am.  I am also a over user of (parenthesis) and it is killing me to try not to over use them since it can be annoying and distracting. But I think I think and talk in parenthesis, too. So what evs.  Stephanie is 18 now and Mariana turned 17 in September. Last December a month before she turned 18 Stephanie moved in with us.  Cody never had her living with him so it was huge.  She is a sweet girl really helpful. No where near ready for the real world. I am trying to tough love it out of her. I need to just be nice. It is hard sometimes. I can be nice. I can be nice. I can be nice. Today is the day! Just niceness from me. All around.

I left BofA in December 2011 when I was preggers with Caden.  I had taken a step down and was a teller/personal banker. Some one stole $3000 from me; my drawer. My fault for not locking it. There were no cameras. There was no way to prove it wasn’t me. The fact my boss of 2 years actually thought I could even do something like that was so unreal to me.  When I was talking to corporate security and she was there like starring me down I just quit. Really beat them to the punch, I guess.  Then I just got a minumin paying job at a daycare where I stayed til I had Caden. Then I opened my own in-home daycare. It was fun mostly. Until it wasn’t. I stopped a month before our July vacation. Now I am a stay at home mom.  My dream job. But my husband was laid off from his high paying oil field job while we were on vacay. This new job he has doesn’t pay as much so I have to go back to work now. 2 years out of the corporate world and I have to try to get back in. I am a bit scared.  I can do it.  Be nice. Get a job. Ugh. Those things are so haaard. Ha.

I am glad you have a job you love. That is great! Why did you leave Allergan in the first place? Better opportunity or something? Were you a temp? I thought they hired you on.  Have you gone back to school? Do you want to? I think about it, but When, you know? If Cody had his other job I could have done it online I guess, but not now.

You know you said, time heals. It does. It can. I also think people can change. I mean I know I am not doing the same things I did before. I made some bad choices. I can not even imagine myself getting into the situations that would allow me to make choices like I did. I think about when my husband and I fight and how in the past I ended up cheating on my ex. That would never ever happen now. I don’t even talk to other men. Cody is my best friend. It is just hard when I am stressed. He has all the same stresses so when I talk to him about them he feels it double and gets all overwhelmed and upset with me and life. He gets so hurt when I treat him badly. He always asks if I treated Jeremy like this or blah blah. I really didn’t. I need to be nice, be nice. Be nice. Ugh. I seem to take my stress out on the ones I love the most. Poo.

Well. There was again a lot more than you thought you were gonna get. I feel like this is like a journal entry about my life and family. Maybe I will transfer it over to my other blog. Ha. But really.

I do love popcorn. Did you see the picture of my popper? It is movie popcorn every night here at Mantor Manor.  I do put frosting on ice cream so you were not far off. I am huge. I did a contest and I lost 30 pound right before vacation which was like a drop in the bucket. I was still over 200. I need to do a contest again. I felt good and went to the gymn 6 days a week. But in the past 3 months so much has happened that every thing changed and now I am off track and a junk food gal again.  I don’t really frost the popcorn because it just comes out of my popper so good. Mmm. I think I will go make some popcorn.

Your turn. Novella…

So much life in 4 ½ years, right? 

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Dear Jeaniece (entry 4)

Jeaniece. Would have been 35 in 3 days. Oh my gosh. Let me let this massive wave of sadness pass. You know, most days and times are just fine. I am ok. Then there are these moments that sneak in every day and they try to take over. I give in for just a minute or two, to remember you and to know it is ok to be sad that you are gone from my life for now. Most of the time, though I am tremendously comforted knowing that you are with our Father in Heaven and Savior. That you now have the chance to learn and know all you missed out on here. That you will see your family again. Some times I feel bad I am not more sad. Kirsti pointed out to me may be we are lucky your death happened at a time we were so busy in life. It helps to have this other stuff (stress) we have to focus on.  So, this blog is, like I said, mostly for stories and memories. Let me find one.

Since Halloween is approaching I will share about Halloween. I love Halloween. I know you did, too. Dressing up is so fun.  So in 9th grade I made these clown costumes with my friend Lorina. I have had them ever since. The year Cody was born I went to your trunk-or-treat. I was Goldilocks and you were the clown. Ah, love.  It was fun. And I have pictures to prove it! Ha! Then the following year just for going door to door in your neighborhood we both donned those clown costumes. As the holidays are approaching I know you family and friends are going to be missing you so very much.

Your work had a potluck for your birthday this year. It was bacon themed, Everyone had to bring something that had bacon in it. Hahaha. That is awesome! Youd have loved it. That is so sweet of them.

Sunday session of general conference is on your birthday this year. As I listen to the words of our prophet and apostles I will take comfort in knowing the plan of salvation is real and that our redeemer lives.

I know it is only just over a month, but not a day goes by when I do not think of you. I love you and I miss you.