Learning the Book of Mormon

I am taking a religion class as part of my foray back into school. This first class is a study of the Book of Mormon. Each week is broken up into certain amount of chapters.  Each week as part of my learning I will be updating this blog with the information I have learned and the insights I have gained. (Unless I pick a different end of the week project.)

For the first time ever I am doing more than just reading the Book of Mormon and attending Sunday school. I am studying it and discussing it. I am using study guides and attending a Gathering to review our inspirations.  Everything in the Book of Mormon that was written was kept there for our use in these Latter Days.  Everyone is given the promise that if they read the Book of Mormon and pray with a sincere heart to know if the Book is true, they will be able to receive the knowledge of the truthfulness of the words. With the additional knowledge that this book was written for us the Book of Mormon can become personal to us.  A personal guide from our Heaven Father to us. What an awesome gift!

This weeks scriptures were 1 Nephi 1-5

One of the other students in my class pointed the love Lehi had for his wife Sariah. In chapter 5 Sariah gets upset with Lehi. She is worried about her sons she was mourning them. She thought they had died in the wilderness. They were sent back to a land she was told by her husband that was becoming more and more wicked and was going to be destroyed. They were sent on a mission to obtain plates that held scripture and genealogy of their family and people from a wicked king.  What mother wouldn’t be worried?  As she gets upset Nephi tells of how she was angry at his father Lehi. And what Lehi does is a great learning model of love for all of us. First he acknowledges her concerns and states, “I know I am a visionary man; for if I had not seen the things of God in a vision I should not have known the goodness of God….” (1Nephi 5:4) Then he comforts her in verse 5 telling her he has “obtained a land of promise, in which things I do rejoice; yea, I know that the Lord will deliver my sons out of the hand of Laban and bring them down unto us in the wilderness.”  This is a great example of love.  In these first 5 verses of chapter 5 I can see that Heavenly Father knows that we (Sariah) get upset and sometimes lose hope (she was fearing the worst.) But we can be comforted. As Lehi comforted his wife. As the Lord comforted the whole family when they returned safe and unharmed.  If I treat my loved ones as Lehi did Sariah in these chapters I will be uplifting them and help them. I will be demonstrating compassion and love. I will be a better friend and mother.

 

Art work by Joseph Brickey found at this link

I know that the things we read in the scriptures can have personal meaning in our lives. I don’t know if I have ever felt a personal connection to the Book of Mormon before. I cannot recall a time I loved reading it where it was not just a chore or something that I “should” do.  I am taking this course because I want to learn of these great spiritual leaders. I want to be able to know for myself the Book of Mormon is true. I want to be able to learn from it and grow my personal testimony of these words. To be able to teach my children and receive personal inspiration from this book.

Good bye to you. One year later.

Dear Jeaniece,

Tomorrow we are celebrating you. It will have been one year since I heard your voice. One year since our last conversation. 524,160 minutes since you said goodbye to me or good night to your kids. 364 days since your smile lit up a room. A long time? A blink of an eye.  What ever. I miss my sister. I miss my friend. I know we weren't always on the same page but that never stopped us from being in each others story.  My story goes on now with out you.  I can not even begin to count the number of times I wanted to call you. The many many things I wanted to laugh about with you. I have my memories. I wish my memory worked as well as yours did. I try to write stuff down because I know I will forget.  So super thankful for pictures.

At your funeral last year when people started coming into the church to see you for the last time laying there in that pretty box, with the beautiful flower on top of the lower half, not looking so much like yourself (mostly because you weren't in there, I guess) I hid. I stepped in to a dark room and peaked out the window and watched people walk by.  I knew they’d know who I was but I have such a bad memory. I watch and thought how good you’d be there. How you use to go to things with me and remind me who all the people were. I was thinking how good you were with me at the last funeral we went to together and how you told me who all the relatives were when I had no clue. And how you were good at small talk. And how we’d find a way to make it ok. And have inside jokes and not be so sad.  Before any one else was there that day of your funeral I went in and looked at your body and was “alone” with you for the last time. My heart just ached, sadness, loss, and grief consumed me. I crumpled to the ground and cried softly. I looked up and mom was waiting in the doorway for me to finish my silent last goodbye.

One year since I heard your voice. I year and 3 weeks since out last selfie. Now I know why my tears wouldn’t stop as we separated that last day of vacation. Here in this life we can’t change what was. We can only change what will be and what we will become.  We can choose to be happy. We can choose to love, to believe and to keep living. We can learn from others. (It took me 30 years to believe this for myself.)  I am so lucky you were my sister. I never thought I’d be in this world with out you. I hope you are finding the happiness you always deserved. I miss you. I miss car phone blue tooth calls with you and your boys. I miss you making me laugh. 

I shared this conversation a few times recently:

You: So how is the air up there on your high horse?

Me: Really nice. You should come up here and join me.

Ha.I really wish you would have. 

So, tomorrow 364 days since any of us talked to you, laughed with you, selfie photographed with you, 364 days since we saw those beautiful blue eyes and the smile that took over your whole face, we will be getting together; sharing bacon and other foods and remembering you. My sweet sister.

As I have been writing this and as the tears stream down my face I have a montage of images of you and our life together and your life passing through my mind. This 34 year slide show. I see your ringlets from your youth. I see you eating watermelon in grandma Graves yard. I see you excited in 2^rd grade because you got the teacher you wanted.  I see you laying on your couch hugely pregnant with Drew letting me draw a face with your belly button as the nose. I see you laughing on StarTours because Aunt Lorraine looked like she was at church. I see you jumping on a rope in a barn in Oregon and jumping on the stage at the county fair and convincing me and Melissa to join you to entertain the fair goers.  I see you laying in the hospital about to give birth to Kindsey. I see you at mom and dads house in Florence reading a book. I see you sitting on the stairs in our house in Alta Loma singing to the dog Peekie that she was the only one who caaares for you. I see you at Disneyland holding grandma Kerns hand as we wait in line for Peter Pan. I see you in so many more images. I see you last year as we pull out of rest stop laughing as we were side by side on the freeway waving out last and final goodbye. I know I will see you again one day. I will always love you. I will always care for you. I will never “just let go because she is gone.”  

Ghost Friends. Stories of Jeaniece.

I am thankful for the people who let me share these stories and for those who read and listen to them. 

 

When we were young kids we lived in a little house in Long Beach. In my mind this house was never very bright.  I love light and it might have been brighter but that is how the memory works. (Any how back to my memory of J, here.)   We were about  5 and 6 years old and we were sitting at the kitchen table when suddenly one of the chairs fell down.  We had no idea how it fell. She thought I did it, I thought she knocked it over or something. So we both decided a ghost must have done it.

 

This might be a good time to let you know the following tidbits of information: Being that we were huge Disneyland fans and got to go once a year with our grandma we knew that a Ghost had followed us home from the Haunted Mansion. We also watch Saturday morning cartoons where we watched the Smurfs. 

 

In light of this ghost knocking over the chair we had a decision to make. We decided right away it was a friendly ghost and he was not alone.  Suddenly the chair next to him fell down. (This one was done by one of us.) And just like that Chair Ghost had a friend. Lunch Ghost.  When ever a ghost was sitting with you at the table it was pretty oblivious since they always knocked the chair down.  They couldn't sit on the chair and it was more comfortable for them to be at the table without the chair.  We had a lot of ghost friends. They ate with us quite often.  They helped us. Sometimes they got us in trouble. Trouble Ghost was usually good for that. They followed us to our new house when we moved to Rancho Cucamonga but eventually they all left. 

Duck! Pato!

Duck!

Jeaniece loved being a trainer for her company. She was always so good with new people and meeting people.  That being said, BBVA Compass sent her to south Texas to do a training class there with her counterpart from Alabama. She was so happy to get to do this.  One my seeter was hanging out with some of the people she met and immediately became friends with. They were at a park or place with ducks. She asked tem how to say duck in Spanish.  "Pato." They told her.  A little later that day J had something in her hand. She totally threw it at some ones head and yelled, "Pato!"  After getting hit in the head due to not ducking her friend started laughing. Apparently Pato is does not mean both kids of duck as it does in English.  I still laugh and use this. Just this morning I yelled pato as I threw a little rubber duckie at some ones head. It was super funny due to the 2 meanings. It was a duck and she needed to duck! Brahaha. Oh Jeaniece!  (And if this story was about you I am sorry I forgot your name.)

Letter to an old friend 2

I am looking for a job now. I am taking a huge pay cut from when I was working before because we just need the extra income and anything is better than nothing. I so sadly am actually probably just going to a call center.  I would love to be an administrative assistant or office clerk, manager, etc but those jobs are not calling me back. My resume screams call center. But I can tweek it to look more officey. Never works.  I applied at the school district for a few jobs and nothing. That would be ideal.  What evs, I guess.  I have to more interviews today.

Maybe you already checked it out or maybe you don't care, but my blog address is www.shawndelandcody.blogspot.com .  I don't write as much as I should.

I am really doing better at liking Texas. Specifically where we are.  Our house is nice. Only 3 bedrooms but like 2400 square feet. It has some space we are trying to figure out what to do with.  2 stories.

Little Cody is selling popcorn for his school fundraiser. It is so cute. He finally has his spiel down. He says, "I am selling popcorn for my school fundraiser. ....(Then he looks at me for the next line) It is only $2 a bag..... (more looking at me)  ... Can I set you up with 3 bags?"  Then half the time when people laugh or smile he runs away.  If he stays he tells them there are lots of flavors to choose from. This kid seriously cracks me up.

I am freaked out about going back to work. I love being home with Caden. He is 16 months old. He is not walking yet, but that is ok. He is so funny and stubborn. He is going to be a tough one. both me and Big cody are pretty stubborn and fat. So he has got that in his genes. Poor lil dude. Right now he is still considered on the small side.  Can I tell you every thing about his an lil Cody is different. They are so much the same now. I am hoping this means when Caden is a 5 year old he will be opposite of Cody and be calm.

So the last day I ever drank and kind or alcohol or smoked any kind of anything was the night before I found out I was preggers with lil Cody. I started going back to church and blah blah.  I think I might have mentioned I think it is true and I need it. I know some people (my sis, Melissa for one) think not everyone needs church and organized religion, but I know I need it. My mom and dad are the kinds that need it. And seriously Jeaniece needed it too. .....

I was going to start the next line of that above paragraph with the words If only, but I stopped myself. There is no ifs. No use in them in this situation. You can't live with a life of what if's and regrets. You have to move on. But I was thinking about all this and telling you a little back ground so I could share 2 things.

1. Jeaniece use to call me every day on her way to work. Every day. We talked. So a lot of this time lately was her telling me about her night before or her weekend adventures from the night before. Often I got an edited down version where her anguish over what she was doing would show through. So when I'd give advise or some thing we joked around a lot. Once she asked me how the weather was up there where I was on my high horse.  Only once in a while though, sucker. Because from then on pretty much I would just ask her to join me. Before I would start to tell her something I would remember how she was always was thinking I was judging her (which I was not) or she thought I thought I was better than her (which I did not think.)  So.. I would tell her thing like, hey, want to come join me up here on my high horse. It is pretty nice up here. We would laugh. We really laughed a lot. But if I ended up coming off judgy or something she would call my mom and tell on me. Ha!

2. Remember the barnacle (particle) board wall ghetto bar where we would play pool?  Once time Jeaniece  came to visit and we went there. With Jared H and some others.  When ever we drank together she would get all mad at me. Or when she drank around me. Any how. She was getting all mad and I asked her what the problem was and she said, "For the first time on our lives you are cooler than me!"  Brawhahaha. She was so funny. So, there you have it., you are in one of my favorite Jeaniece memories.

And this was a ton of all about me. So.. your up..... :)

A little of my life. . . letter to an old friend

I know facebook and even my blog help make it look like life is good and sunshine and roses, but it isn’t. I mean of course not it is life.

Lil Cody’s sass. He talks back sometimes but sometimes he says things that are pretty funny that can become annoying. When he doesn’t want to go some where he insists that the place is closed.  The school cafeteria in the morning. The movie theater, what ever. He is a total city kid. When we were looking for houses last month we looked at one in the country on an over grown 2 acre property. We looked at the old run down ranch house then we were looking in the yard. There were some stairs and a platform in a tree (like the start of a tree house) and Stephanie was starting to climb it. I looked for Cody thinking he might like to climb, too. I looked all around. Back in the house, etc. I found him sitting in his seat in the van seat belt on and all. 3 minutes there and he was ready to go! Ha. But, hey how many black dudes do you see out in nature. Just kidding but really. He hates bugs and playing in the dirt. My husband (Big Cody) gets so mad that I am making him girlie. He likes to dance to the dancing shows we watch. And he likes to help me cook and do other stuff around the house. He does like to spend time in the garage with his dad but he is with me more, you know?  Jeremy has never been to Texas to see him.  He got to see him when we were on vacation this July. He met me, my kids and Jeaniece and her boys in LA and we walked around. He bought the kids a shirt. Lil Cody knows who he is. I just asked him who Jeremy is and he said, “He’s my real dad.” I corrected him. He is his bio dad. Jeremy still pays child support most months. He missed about 6 months. His wife still does not want to acknowledge that Cody is alive so I think he lies to her about paying support and all that. They have 4 kids. The 2 she had before and then they had 2. (Both girls.)  He only calls about every 2 or 3 months. I text him a picture or something once a month so he remembers to pay child support. Ha.  We have tried to get him to just let Cody adopt lil Cody but he wont do it. So he can just keep paying. Cody has been his dad since before he was 2.

Big Cody and I met online. Seriously. Ldssingles.com. A mormon dating site. As Rikkard put it the one time I met up with him after lil Cody was born, “I went from crazy to baby.” I really did. Although now I am crazy in a whole different way. A more traditional just crazy way. I am not the same. I can’t imagine what my life would look like if I didn’t get pregnant with lil Cody when I did. He really changed my life. I think he saved me from myself. 

So, big Cody had 2 girls when we got married. They were living with their mom. I moved here since his kids were with their mom and lil Cody would go with me. I transferred at the time with bank of America. Cody applied for like 7 jobs in AZ and I applied for 1 here. I got it. It was a sign. I was big on, “it’s a sign!” at the time. Probably still am.  I am also a over user of (parenthesis) and it is killing me to try not to over use them since it can be annoying and distracting. But I think I think and talk in parenthesis, too. So what evs.  Stephanie is 18 now and Mariana turned 17 in September. Last December a month before she turned 18 Stephanie moved in with us.  Cody never had her living with him so it was huge.  She is a sweet girl really helpful. No where near ready for the real world. I am trying to tough love it out of her. I need to just be nice. It is hard sometimes. I can be nice. I can be nice. I can be nice. Today is the day! Just niceness from me. All around.

I left BofA in December 2011 when I was preggers with Caden.  I had taken a step down and was a teller/personal banker. Some one stole $3000 from me; my drawer. My fault for not locking it. There were no cameras. There was no way to prove it wasn’t me. The fact my boss of 2 years actually thought I could even do something like that was so unreal to me.  When I was talking to corporate security and she was there like starring me down I just quit. Really beat them to the punch, I guess.  Then I just got a minumin paying job at a daycare where I stayed til I had Caden. Then I opened my own in-home daycare. It was fun mostly. Until it wasn’t. I stopped a month before our July vacation. Now I am a stay at home mom.  My dream job. But my husband was laid off from his high paying oil field job while we were on vacay. This new job he has doesn’t pay as much so I have to go back to work now. 2 years out of the corporate world and I have to try to get back in. I am a bit scared.  I can do it.  Be nice. Get a job. Ugh. Those things are so haaard. Ha.

I am glad you have a job you love. That is great! Why did you leave Allergan in the first place? Better opportunity or something? Were you a temp? I thought they hired you on.  Have you gone back to school? Do you want to? I think about it, but When, you know? If Cody had his other job I could have done it online I guess, but not now.

You know you said, time heals. It does. It can. I also think people can change. I mean I know I am not doing the same things I did before. I made some bad choices. I can not even imagine myself getting into the situations that would allow me to make choices like I did. I think about when my husband and I fight and how in the past I ended up cheating on my ex. That would never ever happen now. I don’t even talk to other men. Cody is my best friend. It is just hard when I am stressed. He has all the same stresses so when I talk to him about them he feels it double and gets all overwhelmed and upset with me and life. He gets so hurt when I treat him badly. He always asks if I treated Jeremy like this or blah blah. I really didn’t. I need to be nice, be nice. Be nice. Ugh. I seem to take my stress out on the ones I love the most. Poo.

Well. There was again a lot more than you thought you were gonna get. I feel like this is like a journal entry about my life and family. Maybe I will transfer it over to my other blog. Ha. But really.

I do love popcorn. Did you see the picture of my popper? It is movie popcorn every night here at Mantor Manor.  I do put frosting on ice cream so you were not far off. I am huge. I did a contest and I lost 30 pound right before vacation which was like a drop in the bucket. I was still over 200. I need to do a contest again. I felt good and went to the gymn 6 days a week. But in the past 3 months so much has happened that every thing changed and now I am off track and a junk food gal again.  I don’t really frost the popcorn because it just comes out of my popper so good. Mmm. I think I will go make some popcorn.

Your turn. Novella…

So much life in 4 ½ years, right? 

Dear Jeaniece (entry 4)

Jeaniece. Would have been 35 in 3 days. Oh my gosh. Let me let this massive wave of sadness pass. You know, most days and times are just fine. I am ok. Then there are these moments that sneak in every day and they try to take over. I give in for just a minute or two, to remember you and to know it is ok to be sad that you are gone from my life for now. Most of the time, though I am tremendously comforted knowing that you are with our Father in Heaven and Savior. That you now have the chance to learn and know all you missed out on here. That you will see your family again. Some times I feel bad I am not more sad. Kirsti pointed out to me may be we are lucky your death happened at a time we were so busy in life. It helps to have this other stuff (stress) we have to focus on.  So, this blog is, like I said, mostly for stories and memories. Let me find one.

Since Halloween is approaching I will share about Halloween. I love Halloween. I know you did, too. Dressing up is so fun.  So in 9^th grade I made these clown costumes with my friend Lorina. I have had them ever since. The year Cody was born I went to your trunk-or-treat. I was Goldilocks and you were the clown. Ah, love.  It was fun. And I have pictures to prove it! Ha! Then the following year just for going door to door in your neighborhood we both donned those clown costumes. As the holidays are approaching I know you family and friends are going to be missing you so very much.

Your work had a potluck for your birthday this year. It was bacon themed, Everyone had to bring something that had bacon in it. Hahaha. That is awesome! You’d have loved it. That is so sweet of them.

Sunday session of general conference is on your birthday this year. As I listen to the words of our prophet and apostles I will take comfort in knowing the plan of salvation is real and that our redeemer lives.

I know it is only just over a month, but not a day goes by when I do not think of you. I love you and I miss you.